Emphy

Bringing a gift

When you’ve been invited to someone’s home, taking the host a small gift is always a nice gesture, even if the invitation instructs you not to. Bringing a bottle of wine, a flowering plant, or candy is a considerate way to show your appreciation.

 

Think about the host’s hobbies when you select a gift. If you know that the host loves to garden or cook, for example, consider a gift or memento for that special interest.

Don’t allow your gift to become a burden to the host in any way. For example, if you want to give cut flowers, try to bring them already in a vase so that the host doesn’t have to take the time to arrange them. Gifts of food, wine, and special blends of coffee and tea are acceptable, as long as you let the host know that it’s not necessary to open or serve them. The host most likely has already planned the menu so you should tell the host that you hope he or she will enjoy the gift of food or wine later.

Whatever you choose, the gift doesn’t need to be wrapped or come with a card. And it’s not necessary for the host to send a thank-you card.

When presenting the host with the gift, the ideal way is to send it ahead of time or giving it to him it as soon as you arrive.

Arriving at an Event

Arriving at an Event

Being prompt is a guest’s most important responsibility. The host carefully chose a time for the event to begin, and you must respect that choice by showing up at that time. Keep the following points in mind about timing:

•   Fashionably late is unfashionably rude.

•  You shouldn’t arrive later than 15 or 20 minutes after the scheduled start of an event.

•  If the event is a dinner party and you’re running late, phone ahead to request that the host start without you.

• Informal invitations that use words like sevenish imply a somewhat looser definition of arrival time.

• Arriving too early is as unacceptable as arriving too late.

As a guest, if you’re met at the door by the host, thank them for the invitation. Engaging in a little small talk is okay; however, don’t hold up the host if other guests are arriving. If necessary, offer introductions.

If no one happens to be greeting you and the door is left open (which is the case with some open houses or housewarming parties), don’t be shy. Do your best to locate the host or a catering staff member. If necessary, ask where you can put your coat or hostess gift and begin to mingle.

Don’t assume that additional company is welcome.  Don’t bring an uninvited guest with you! If you happen to have an unexpected houseguest show up on the day of the scheduled event, you can call the host and ask if it’s possible for you to bring a friend. Present the question respectfully, in a manner that doesn’t put the host on the spot.

A gracious host would have extra food available and extend a sincere invitation.

Responding to an Invitation

Responding to an Invitation

Unfortunately, people these days aren’t taking RSVPs seriously! People have become extremely lax in this area, and consequently, the host is left with undue expense and hardships.

 The best way to show that you’re socially gracious is “to do as requested.” Following through with the host’s request to communicate whether you plan to attend is a sure sign of your good manners and social skill. Follow these tips to respond properly to an invitation:

  

•   The first step of being a gracious guest is responding to invitations promptly. A timely response to an RSVP is vital because the hostess plans the menu around the number of people to serve. I recommend responding within a day or two of receiving an invitation; however, a response within three to five days is acceptable. Never assume that the host or hostess knows you’re coming.

• If the invitation is telephoned and you aren’t able to give the host an answer over the phone, say something like this: “What a lovely invitation! Thank you so much for thinking of us. I’ll check with Tom and get back to you on Wednesday.” Note that you should be specific about when you will be able to accept or decline, and be sure to follow through with your response.

•  If the invitation is written, either RSVP to the telephone number (if one is provided), return the RSVP card, or write your own response. To accept the invitation, be sure to use the same wording. If the invitation invites “Mr. and Mrs. James Smith Jr.” you don’t respond with “Jim and Jane Smith.” If you must decline, you don’t need to give details. All you say is this: “We’re sorry that we can’t accept your kind invitation because of another engagement.”

•  For online or e-mailed invitations, your RSVP with an e-mail or using the electronic invitation response system is perfectly acceptable.

•  If you see “Regrets Only” written on an invitation, you call only to say you can’t come to the event — otherwise, you will be there.

•  If you’re unsure about going to an event, call and say you would like to attend; however, if you have a conflict, and if the conflict changes, you will immediately call to be sure the invitation is still open. This courtesy lets the host know that you did receive the invitation, and that you aren’t simply ignoring it. If your plans change and you can now attend an event in which you had already declined, call at least three days prior to the event to be sure your attendance is still okay.

• If you’ve accepted an invitation and are unable to attend due to a valid reason (never a better offer), notify the host as soon as possible. In most cases all you need to do is make a phone call so you can offer an explanation and express your regrets. If you have enough time, you may send a short note, especially when the event is formal such as a wedding.

•  If you previously declined an invitation for a legitimate reason, but you’re now able to attend and want to go, you can call the hostess, explain the situation, and ask if you may change your regret. Only do this if the event is a large party, reception, open house, buffet, or any function that an extra guest wouldn’t become a problem.

•  If you’re a guest and have forgotten to RSVP, you must rectify the situation ASAP. Call immediately and apologize. Be honest — no elaborate stories or excuses please! People know when you aren’t telling the truth. Following up with a handwritten note is expected, thanking them for the invitation and also apologizing for forgetting. A gift or flowers is also a nice gesture.

Being a Gracious Guest

Here you can find the following:

• Replying to an invitation in a timely, courteous manner 
•   Showing appreciation by bringing a gift and sending thanks
•  Dealing with social situations
•  Coming and going at the right time
•   Being a courteous houseguest

In some ways, being a gracious guest is as challenging as being a good host. A good guest is a rare gema person who adds sparkle and zest to an event while helping the host in subtle ways that are undetectable to other guests. These people always seem to have a full social calendar and receive loads of fun invitations.

 When you’re a guest, you should treat the host as you would want to be treated if you were the host.

In this chapter, you can discover everything you need to know about being one of those gracious guests who always get invited back.