Responding to an Invitation

Responding to an Invitation

Unfortunately, people these days aren’t taking RSVPs seriously! People have become extremely lax in this area, and consequently, the host is left with undue expense and hardships.

 The best way to show that you’re socially gracious is “to do as requested.” Following through with the host’s request to communicate whether you plan to attend is a sure sign of your good manners and social skill. Follow these tips to respond properly to an invitation:

  

•   The first step of being a gracious guest is responding to invitations promptly. A timely response to an RSVP is vital because the hostess plans the menu around the number of people to serve. I recommend responding within a day or two of receiving an invitation; however, a response within three to five days is acceptable. Never assume that the host or hostess knows you’re coming.

• If the invitation is telephoned and you aren’t able to give the host an answer over the phone, say something like this: “What a lovely invitation! Thank you so much for thinking of us. I’ll check with Tom and get back to you on Wednesday.” Note that you should be specific about when you will be able to accept or decline, and be sure to follow through with your response.

•  If the invitation is written, either RSVP to the telephone number (if one is provided), return the RSVP card, or write your own response. To accept the invitation, be sure to use the same wording. If the invitation invites “Mr. and Mrs. James Smith Jr.” you don’t respond with “Jim and Jane Smith.” If you must decline, you don’t need to give details. All you say is this: “We’re sorry that we can’t accept your kind invitation because of another engagement.”

•  For online or e-mailed invitations, your RSVP with an e-mail or using the electronic invitation response system is perfectly acceptable.

•  If you see “Regrets Only” written on an invitation, you call only to say you can’t come to the event — otherwise, you will be there.

•  If you’re unsure about going to an event, call and say you would like to attend; however, if you have a conflict, and if the conflict changes, you will immediately call to be sure the invitation is still open. This courtesy lets the host know that you did receive the invitation, and that you aren’t simply ignoring it. If your plans change and you can now attend an event in which you had already declined, call at least three days prior to the event to be sure your attendance is still okay.

• If you’ve accepted an invitation and are unable to attend due to a valid reason (never a better offer), notify the host as soon as possible. In most cases all you need to do is make a phone call so you can offer an explanation and express your regrets. If you have enough time, you may send a short note, especially when the event is formal such as a wedding.

•  If you previously declined an invitation for a legitimate reason, but you’re now able to attend and want to go, you can call the hostess, explain the situation, and ask if you may change your regret. Only do this if the event is a large party, reception, open house, buffet, or any function that an extra guest wouldn’t become a problem.

•  If you’re a guest and have forgotten to RSVP, you must rectify the situation ASAP. Call immediately and apologize. Be honest — no elaborate stories or excuses please! People know when you aren’t telling the truth. Following up with a handwritten note is expected, thanking them for the invitation and also apologizing for forgetting. A gift or flowers is also a nice gesture.